Jesus Fucking Christ

Jesus fucking Christ... 

I know what your thinking, another sudo-intellectual, lefty, free thinking, anti-theist blog. Pitting logic and science against blind faith and mental weakness. Well you're wrong, yeah sure in the past like anyone with a functioning brain i have viewed religion with the disdain it deserves. But that was then. before the second coming. 

Yeah that's right, the second coming has, erm, come? I know what your thinking, I've lost my mind and joined some kind of cult, well you'd be wrong again. That's 2 wrongs already and were barely at the end of paragraph 2. Not your day so far is it? 

Anyway, the savior hath returnth to deliver us from evil and die once more for our sins at the hands of covetous Jews. Oh ,Mel Gibson was right and we all know it... Jesus has come back now though hasn't he so we can say it openly, no harm done.  

Getting back to the wafer thin premise of this blog... Jesus has come back. A nun has given birth, that's right a nun... and as we all know nuns don't have sex, ergo this must be an immaculate conception and therefore the child is the lamb of god, our savior Jesus H Christ. But he's not called Jesus this time he's called Francis after the Papal prince of PR, friendly faced Pope Francis. Whose winning smile and humanness makes you forget about the hundreds of years of atrocities committed by the catholic church. He is so charismatic that people are even willing to turn a blind eye to the rampant child abuse undertaken by the church and covered up by the Holy See. This is a social phenomenon known as "Jacko's Law".

So far no one from the Vatican has made a statement about the new Christ Child, but it's surely only a matter of time before they do. Besides as me and my new found faith know the Vatican may act as the word of god on earth but he also communicates with the theological proletariat by showing his image to social outcasts in crisps and oil stains. So by turning to the internet - the home of the social outcast - it is clear to many that this must be the second coming of the savior and we should all get ready for the impending judgment that's coming our way. 

Yeah, i'm afraid that the end is here and your only hope is to now repent your sins, embrace the love of Jesus as your lord and shepherd and cast aside your false idols and liberal free-thinking ideas. Otherwise you face the eternal damnation of the fiery pits of hell.

Or just maybe a nun had sex in the front hole... but honestly whats more likely a member of the catholic holy order acting on his or her sexual whims... or that this is the return of the son of god. And if any of you are cynical enough to think the only reason this is in the media and not covered up like the hundreds of other nuns that did it in the front hole and got preggers, is to take some of the of shine away from the current UN investigation in to the practices and policies of the Vatican, covering up and abetting the abuse of thousands and thousands of innocent children.... well that's the kind of bullshit Jesus 2.0 is not going to tolerate. 

0 :-) (irony)